Hearing "no" is part of the experience of entrepreneurs. It's something they have to deal with from customers, great people they try to hire, or investors who decline after a pitch. It's just part of being someone who sees a vision and gets things done. You win some, and you lose some. If you got deflated from every no along the road, you'd never survive a month. But what happens when that no happens in church?
I worked for a number of years on a large pastoral staff at an established church. In this case, they actually had two "No People." One worked close to the senior pastor and was often given the job of delivering the routine "no." The other no officianado was a retired Repo man, who filled the role of enforcer. He took on every hard no and every hard conversation. The terrible secret about the people that churches put into the No Person job is this: it destroys them. It destroys them because it runs counter to the kind of relationship building that hears a vision and then walks with someone to discern the will of God and the maturation that should occur along the way. Instead of fostering relationship and discipleship, it flexes control.
In that church, I was still an entrepreneur, and it got me in all kinds of trouble. I never ran afoul of the repo man (Thank you, Lord!), but I did get my annual budget zeroed out because I won a grant for a local recovery program instead of the church. I also received several public shamings that were masked as general harangues.
The job of the No Person in the church is to maintain order, enforce program and system priorities, and keep leaders from having to deal with ideas that don't fit the current program.
Understandable? Certainly? Healthy? Probably Not.
No is especially hard to hear from people you love and trust at church because of two important things. First, the idea you bring is most likely something that you are offering sacrificially. If you're trying to monetize your fellowship at church, then you should probably get a no. But lots of times the idea or the offer isn't going to build your business at all; you're offering to give your time or energy because you are supposed to put your talents to work.
Second, when you offer to help at church with your unique gifts, you are expressing a sense of calling - trying to be faithful with what the Lord has given you. While it might look like you are domineering to those inside the church, what you are actually expressing is your sense of calling.
Here's what entrepreneurs have learned to do with "no." It's simple and understandable. They move on. They move on to the next sales opportunity, they move on to the hire or the next investor pitch. Because they are focused on a vision and mission, no is just another speed bump.
But when entrepreneurs run headlong into the church no culture, it does something very destructive. It diverts their gifts from being released in the Body of Christ, and it pushes them out of the discipleship process. Since they are people wired for "go," the "no" has the effect of completely shutting them down because they need to be discipled in motion. Their offer to serve, lead, or foster change is the cue that they are ready for a deeper discipleship relationship.
While they may not leave the church when their calling is rejected, their gifts will shut down. They will shift from being a proactive, energetic, and passionate change maker to a passive stance. Their gifts and their energy will be diverted elsewhere. As a result, they don't grow, and the church lives on in status quo mode.
Instead of protecting the program at the expense of people wired for change, here's an idea. Work to create a "Yes, And Culture". That means that every crazy idea is met with "that's a wonderful vision, can we meet to talk about what that looks like and how God is speaking to you?" And you could ad, "I'm going to ask around to see who else has done somthing like that or might be interested, maybe you could, too."The challenge with this idea is that it takes time. And that might take time from spinning up new programs or maintaining current ones. But maybe that's not a bad thing.